SPAM Haiku 16901-17000

Move backwards to Numbers 16801-16900.

16901.
I have no cat food
I feed Lucky SPAM instead
Don't eye me like that!

--Dennis McDougall, dennism@pcez.com

16902.
No cat food again
Lucky's not lucky today!
He'll eat SPAM or starve!

--Dennis McDougall, dennism@pcez.com

16903.
Now I'm at the store
Running wounds on my body
I'm buying cat food

--Dennis McDougall, dennism@pcez.com

16904.
Red dripping jelly
Salty squishy burst of joy
My god, I have gas!

--Steve Burmester, step-hen@ix.netcom.com

16905.
Hot, exploding meat
My gut is filling with bile
Another can gone

--Steve Burmester, step-hen@ix.netcom.com

16906.
When you barbecue
SPAM, I suggest you burn a
tire to hide the smell.

--Scott Smith, ssmith@us.edu

16907.
Once I had some SPAM
But then that SPAM went away
Bye Bye SPAM Bye Bye

--Peter Dods, peter@beefbroccoli.com

16908.
Do I eat SPAM? Well,
let me ask you this: is the
Pope Catholic? Sure.

--Fozzie

16909.
How many SPAM-sters
does it take to change a light
bulb? (see next SPAM-ku)

--Scott Smith, ssmith@us.edu

16910.
Two. One to get the
ladder; one to stick the SPAM
key in the socket.

--Scott Smith, ssmith@us.edu

16911.
A lengthy marriage,
two Masters? I'm proudest of
the double SPAM-ku.

--Scott Smith, ssmith@us.edu

16912.
Where to put my SPAM
tatoo? How about on my
extra chromosome?

--Scott Smith, ssmith@us.edu

16913.
it is late right now
just had a little SPAMwich
now I must vomit

--bryan smith, r_b_smith@hotmail.com

16914.
Now, it's on my fork
Quivering like a newborn
Now, fetal yum yums

--bryan smith, r_b_smith@hotmail.com

16915.
It sits in my gut
Like a lead ball forever
please digest it now

--bryan smith, r_b_smith@hotmail.com

16916.
The can like Moses
Brings its laws down from the mount
Preach on, SPAM my man

--bryan smith, r_b_smith@hotmail.com

16917.
Oh, Gentleman SPAM
Demure like the albatross
Please now fly to me

--bryan smith, r_b_smith@hotmail.com

16918.
I hate your innards
May you more like SPAM become
soulless like the rat

--bryan smith, r_b_smith@hotmail.com

16919.
SPAM, you're unholy
A barbaric mix indeed
Save your heathen soul

--bryan smith, r_b_smith@hotmail.com

16920.
SPAM slides across bus.
Cute girl returns my blue can.
Chance of first date: Nil.

--James T. Kim, jaimetown@hotmail.com

16921.
Antibiotics:
Not to cure but to fatten
pigs; SPAM's legacy.

--Milford Pigboy

16922.
What is this substance?
Spiced ham in a can? Perhaps
swine manure slurry?

--Milford Pigboy

16923.
About your lagoon:
it's stinking to high heaven!
Move it far away!

--Milford Pigboy

16924.
Dad bursts in my room
"Let's go to the--What the fuck--
You SPAM spankin' freak"

--Wild T.

16925.
And I make my way
Through a maze of chance and SPAM
For some small reward

--Wild T

16926.
Fuck Suck SPAM Damn Hell
Shit Piss Cock SPAM Twat Slut Ass
Cum Load SPAM Tits Fuck

--Wild T

16927.
Things to do today
Kill the inventor of SPAM
Then wax my johnson

--Wild T.

16928.
Cheap plastic surgeon
Uses SPAM for breast implants
What strangely shaped boobs

--Wild T.

16929.
As I look at SPAM
And I read so much haiku
I see my calling

--Wild T.

16930.
Wellspring of passion
From one tiny loaf of SPAM
Penis Erectus

--Wild T.

16931.
Swallowed the SPAM whole
Gastro-Intestinal Ache
Pain like no other

--Wild T.

16932.
The hookers throat slashed
Left behind, a key, some gel
SPAM the Ripper strikes

--Wild T.

16933.
Words fly in my sleep
Pink loaves populate my dreams
A Hormel Nightmare

--Wild T.

16934.
I am the SPAMMAN
Giving all people fake meat
Why don't you kill me

--Wild T.

16935.
Wander the country
Tossing folks SPAM as he goes
Johnny SPAMmleseed

--Wild T.

16936.
Which one is more gross
An unflushed toilet or SPAM
Both will make me puke

--Wild T.

16937.
Painful rectal itch
But I ate ten pounds of SPAM
Such embarrassment

--Wild T.

16938.
Pig with a square ass
Genetic alteration
The future of SPAM

--Wild T.

16939.
As I search the net
This message calls out to me
"Hey you, SPAM for brains"

--Wild T.

16940.
Gone crazy on SPAM
Nutritionally insane
The patient was lost

--Wild T.

16941.
SPAM covered girl asked
"Do you wanna get funky?"
I can't say I did--

--Wild T.

16942.
Lonely cube of SPAM
Contemplating Suicide
Jumps in the skillet

--Wild T.

16943.
Pervert in the park
Flashing his SPAM in public
The Degenerate

--Wild T.

16944.
How many Rocky
Mountain Oysters does it take
to make one SPAM loaf?

--Wild T.

16945.
You now own my soul
Sold to Hormel for some SPAM
This is worse than Hell

--Wild T.

16946.
Along the roadside
Waiting for Armageddon
Munching on some SPAM

--Wild T.

16947.
Millions surf the Web
And come here to write SPAMku
Technology sucks

--Wild T.

16948.
Is Ricky Martin
Livin' La Vida Loca
With a SPAM girlfriend

--Wild T.

16949.
I'm a masochist
Feed me SPAM until it hurts
STOP!!! I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!

--Wild T.

16950.
Protesters threw SPAM
The police were not hurt but
The stains were awful

--Wild T.

16951.
A loud anal blast
How does one break wind this way?
It must be the SPAM

--Wild T.

16952.
I need a lot of
pain killers and alcohol
to wash down the SPAM.

--Wild T.

16953.
It seems that I caught
SPAM Transmitted Diseases
What can cure that stuff?

--Wild T.

16954.
I heard angel sing
"Just A Closer Walk With Thee"
I threw out my SPAM

--Wild T.

16955.
A day at work is
So much like writing SPAMku
A waste of my time

--Wild T.

16956.
Monkey Spanking Boy
New C.E.O of Hormel
This must be a dream

--MSB -- God its been a long time

16957.
Feed the obsession
Silly Board of Directors
Unleash the SPAM beast

--MSB

16958.
Mahogany desk
Covered with SPAM, gel, and sperm
Monkey Spanking Boy

--MSB

16959.
Women made of SPAM
A sick company orgy
This boardroom lovefest

--MSB

16960.
Abuse of power
Endless supply of SPAM love
Monkey Spanking Boy

--MSB

16961.
Pink and white splatter
"Have Someone Clean The Damn Wall!!!!"
Monkey Spanking Boy

--MSB

16962.
Reading his Penthouse
Lost in SPAM pink obsession
Monkey Spanking Boy

--MSB

16963.
His tower of SPAM
Violates state zoning laws
Monkey Spanking Boy

--MSB

16964.
Still spanking your SPAM
Oh you wicked, wicked child
Monkey Spanking Boy

--MSB

16965.
Guess who's back in town
The SPAMmasturbation King
Monkey Spanking Boy

--MSB

16966.
It seems that some have
Issues with their SPAM and blame
Monkey Spanking Boy

--MSB

16967.
Your displaced anger
Will never make The Boy stop
SPAMming his Monkey

--MSB

16968.
To SPAM or not to
SPAM. That is indigestion.
It is not Hormel?

--stant6@dandy.net

16969.
No can opener!
Ah, there's SPAM on the life raft.
All chose death instead.

--stant6@dandy.net

16970.
When Clinton left the
White House, he took china, cups,
keys, but left the SPAM.

--Fozzie

16971.
A great Prez should have
his face on Rushmore. Clinton's
should be carved in SPAM.

--Fozzie

16972.
University
of SPAM: my pick to win this
year's college tourney.

--Fozzie

16973.
I can't believe-ku
The thousands of poems-ku
About canned meat-ku

--sillysal, beansouphead

16974.
Fifties gave us mashed
SPAM with pickles on white bread
and Joe McCarthy.

--Milford Pigboy

16975.
The dietician
served SPAM. Now she's serving time--
attempted murder.

--Scott Smith, ssmith@us.edu

16976.
Bought me Turkey SPAM
Shouldn't it be Spurkey? Why
am I so confused?

--CaptainObvious, captainobvious@rocketmail.com

16977.
Must be all of the
chemicals Hormel needs to
preserve rotting flesh.

--CaptainObvious, captainobvious@rocketmail.com

16978.
I ate the Spurkey.
Disinfected me with six
shots of cheap vodka.

--CaptainObvious, captainobvious@rocketmail.com

16979.
Vomited the vile
substance. Take it from me, SPAM
and whiskey don't mix!

--CaptainObvious, captainobvious@rocketmail.com

16980.
After puking in
toilet all night, I give up
SPAM for life, I hope.

--CaptainObvious, captainobvious@rocketmail.com

16981.
Then two hours after
swearing off SPAM, I break. Ate
SPAM spread on Saltines.

--CaptainObvious, captainobvious@rocketmail.com

16982.
I enter twelve step
program. Must admit I am
powerless to SPAM.

--CaptainObvious, captainobvious@rocketmail.com

16983.
The revelation
hits me. Self esteem gone, no
reason left to live.

--CaptainObvious, captainobvious@rocketmail.com

16984.
Commit suicide.
And Hormel still believes that
product is benign.

--CaptainObvious, captainobvious@rocketmail.com

16985.
At funeral lunch,
SPAM served on bread with mustard.
My, how ironic.

--CaptainObvious, captainobvious@rocketmail.com

16986.
"It's a SPAM-dandy":
Kid in 50s ad. Now he's
in intensive care.

--Milford Pigboy

16987.
What is this pink block?
A new scientific find?
Or just a dead pig?

--Ryan Wick

16988.
Hunger surrounds me
I only have a SPAM can
The hunger deepens

--Ryan Wick

16989.
Fear of the unknown
Pink SPAM wobbles like rubber
I'm chilled to the bone

--Ryan Wick

16990.
Life is long and hard
SPAM is short and fairly soft
No comparison

--Ryan Wick

16991.
Back to Madison
It is still here, thankfully
Ryan writes SPAMku

--Dan Bob, dsteinme@chorus.net

16992.
pustulent, nasty,
gelatinous, piglike goo;
new pizza topping

--Stanley Bascombe, pizzaman007@hotmail.com

16993.
Eating SPAM will make
a colonic tsunami
inevitible.

--ken, kef@telus.net

16994.
Dreary, depressing
March day; weather is poopy,
SPAM and beans for lunch.

--Milford Pigboy

16995.
The meat, the essence...
Pinkness take me now to the
Ecstasy of SPAM

--David Levine, hickorywy@yahoo.com

16996.
Rigid tendrils of
Pulchritudinous pink meat
Who needs Viagara

--Stanley Bascombe, pizzaman007@hotmail.com

16997.
Slick, slimy, shiny
Made of lips, ears, and assholes
What could be better?

--Stanley Bascombe, pizzaman007@hotmail.com

16998.
I try to eat it
But it harshly refuses.
SPAM has no master.

--Anonymous

16999.
Sealed SPAM found inside
Time capsule--3001.
Can't assay contents.

--stant6@dandy.net

17000.
Totally ad lib;
Making this up as I go.
Like SPAM producers?

--Scott Bookner, curvyourdog@curvyourdog.com