SPAM Haiku 1201-1300

Move backwards to Numbers 1101-1200.


1201.
SPAM is on my mind.
I wonder if it can think?
Ponder its wisdom.
--Sam Walker, sundiver@jaka.nn.com

1202.
Theologians ask:
If God is just, then why does
He let SPAM exist?

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1203.
And on the 8th day,
God created SPAM. He should
have rested then, too.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1204.
Naming years: B.H.
(Before Hormel) or A.S.
(Anno SPAMini).

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1205.
Mountains will crumble.
Rivers and seas will dry up.
What shall endure? SPAM.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1206.
What if there was no
SPAM? What whould we write about?
Treet? I don't think so.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1207.
Coming soon for the
poetically ambitious:
The SPAM Sonnet Page.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1208.
I'm listening to
"Takin' Care of Business"
and scarfing SPAM--Bliss

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

1209.
Better on way up
Scoop with spoon to choke back down
Second time up--good

--Anonymous

1210.
SPAM haiku Web site--
Creative spirit awakes,
wasting a morning.

--Tommer Peterson, tommer@artswire.org

1211.
Awash in SPAM dreams.
Pale sunlight softly touches
fresh barf on the floor.

--Tommer Peterson, tommer@artswire.org

1212.
Oink, oink, oink, oink, oink,
oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink!
Oink, oink, oink. Death. SPAM.

--Tommer Peterson, tommer@artswire.org

1213.
Licking wet pinkness,
engorged hot fervor juices.
Tongue cut on the can!

--Tommer Peterson, tommer@artswire.org

1214.
Mild-mannered tinned meat;
Look! Is it a bird? A pig?
No. It's SuperSPAM.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1215.
My powers wane; strange
Effects. Closest thing to Red
Kryptonite for man.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

1216.
Grandma cooked us SPAM.
Grandpa ate it. We didn't.
His inheritance...

--Scott Zacher, scottz@nwu.edu

1217.
Linoleum grey.
Elsie's creamed SPAM casserole:
a porcine nightmare.

--Tommer Peterson, tommer@artswire.org

1218.
Cured pork shoulder, ground.
Cubed, skewered, hickory smoked.
Fools cower in fear.

--Don Thompson, don@shadow.net

1219.
Pork bellies are down,
Gelatin futures look bleak.
Heard it on C-SPAM.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

1220.
SPAM is a force most
irresistable. My bowels,
most immovable.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

1221.
Christopher Robin:
"Who took my last can of SPAM?!"
Piglet's on a date.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1222.
Spock's ears arouse the
Pig-folk of Beta Seven
Set phasers on "cube"

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1223.
Ito smiles sweetly
The SPAM under his robe feels
Really good today

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1224.
Volume of a pig?
Easy to compute with SPAM
Length times height times width

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1225.
daddy's got a job
carving figurines from SPAM
good work if can get

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1226.
O! Those naughty boars!
Gruntin' and a-squealing and
Jumpin' into cans.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1227.
Turned on bath water;
Along with duck, dropped in SPAM--
My own Bay of Pigs.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1228.
"Kirk to Mr. Scott:
You sent Spock, but I got SPAM!
Fix transporter soon."

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1229.
I opened a can
Tiny evil pigs flapped out
Pandora's box lunch

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1230.
Rudimentary
Circulation system is
Regenerating

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1231.
Dreamed the other night
I was talking to the pigs
"Why us?" they wondered

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1232.
Peering in the can
I could see the future clear
It looked rather pink

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1233.
A fine meal until
The rest of the pig showed up
To reclaim his chunk.

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1234.
Car is broken down.
I reach for the SPAM-er wrench.
Car is still broken.

--Walter Myers, wvmyers@planacc.com

1235.
I opened the door
Only to be confronted
By a wall of SPAM

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1236.
The protesters marched
Holding their placards aloft
"We Demand Free SPAM"

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1237.
Enormous SPAM slide
Hundreds of houses buried
The rescue dogs eat...

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1238.
Tick, tock, the SPAM clock
Tells me when it's time to eat
It's always SPAM time

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1239.
A year of free SPAM
Took advantage of the deal
Ate most of a tin

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1240.
Disney's The SPAM King
"Can You Feel The SPAM Tonight?"
SPAM roams the pride lands

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1241.
Got in a SPAM fight.
Pink chunks streaking through the air.
Splat! Screams of disgust.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1242.
Tasty SPAM custard
Serve it to all of your friends
Laugh as they turn pale

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1243.
In the darkened room
The SPAM cans whisper gently
Soft SPAM mutterings.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1244.
Teflon coated SPAM
More slippery than normal
And heat resistant

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1245.
If Hormel branched out
With new meat types, we might see
Spicken, Spish, or Speef.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1246.
Playing with SPAM and
Genetic engineering
Strange horrors result.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1247.
As I yawned deeply
My friend jammed SPAM in my mouth
I force fed him can

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1248.
One hot summer day
I found some SPAM in the street.
The smell? Amazing!

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1249.
Try SPAM flavored beer,
And after you've drunk it all,
You can chew the bits.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1250.
All this SPAM haiku
If we keep writing so much
We'll run out of words

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1251.
The SPAM tin grew hot
The metal began to bulge
I watched in horror

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1252.
SPAM ear protection
Cram some SPAM into your ears
What was that you said?

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1253.
Get your beauty sleep
On a bed made from fresh SPAM
Then--breakfast in bed!

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1254.
Listen, good people
Deny ye not your SPAM love
Lest SPAM make you ill

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1255.
Sit and meditate
Let thoughts of SPAM fill your mind.
And you will be...SPAM.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1256.
Once you've tasted SPAM
Your life is changed forever
Pity the addict

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1257.
With chainsaw snarling
I lunged towards the SPAM cans
Must destroy evil!

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1258.
Lunch, breakfast, dinner
All I ever eat is SPAM
I'm wasting away...

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1259.
Don't ridicule me
I see nothing wrong with my
All-SPAM three piece suit

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1260.
We beheld the SPAM
Its pink glory moved us all
We worshipped its form

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1261.
My constant nightmare
Slowly sink in SPAM jelly
I wake up screaming

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1262.
Do you suffer from
SPAMojellophobia?
Fear of SPAM jelly.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1263.
The mighty boat sank
Screaming people clung to SPAM
And the band played on

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1264.
Good, dutiful SPAM
Lined up in supermarkets
Like well-trained soldiers

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1265.
In the dead of night
Alien spacecraft steals pigs
Strange, alien SPAM

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1266.
Custom SPAM colors
Any color you may want
As long as it's pink

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1267.
A delicate bite
Leads to ravenous eating
SPAM bulimia

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1268.
SPAM-seeking missile
I press the button marked "Launch"
Can is vaporized

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1269.
Point gun at blue can
Another SPAM bites the dust
I laugh evilly

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1270.
My silver SPAM knife
Cuts cleanly through the pink block
I eat SPAM with style

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1271.
Visible from space
Biggest SPAM can in the world
50-year supply

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1272.
In the Pyramid
Preserved for eternity
It's mummified SPAM

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1273.
Anti-gravity
Extraterrestrial SPAM
Lands in my back yard

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1274.
I stared in wonder,
Totally captivated--
The beauty of SPAM.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1275.
Furniture of SPAM
So you don't have to get up
To go for a snack

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1276.
Ground breaks asunder
Satan claws his way from hell
He has come for SPAM

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1277.
I lifted the axe
And with a sweeping motion
Executed SPAM

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1278.
U.S. Air Force tests
Blasting SPAM at plane windshields
Should have opened can

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1279.
Hot, these summer days
I bathe in cool SPAM jelly
My friends avoid me

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1280.
I open the fridge
In the distance, a dog barks
A midnight SPAM feast

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1281.
SPAM spawned a romance
Stared into her eyes, and shared--
One can, and two spoons

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1282.
Activist cries out
"Give me SPAM or give me death"
The vultures oblige

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1283.
The curtain was raised
The SPAM sat in the spotlight
And the tension grew

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1284.
"What meaning has life?"
The SPAM rests, mute in the chair
Ignoring my angst

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1285.
I finished my SPAM,
Then, stepping from the shadows,
Announced my presence.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1286.
The tourists visit
The leaning tower of SPAM
Now, eat from this side

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1287.
They enjoyed the stew
But when offered SPAM ice cream
My dinner guests left.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1288.
Stopped at the airport
Customs searches my luggage
Lucky I hid SPAM

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1289.
The storm clouds rolled in;
The winds roared around my house.
I smiled. I had SPAM.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1290.
SPAMity SPAM SPAM
Softly squishes 'neath my toes
In my mouth you goes

--Anonymous

1291.
I saw the blue can
In the tinned products section
It captured my thoughts

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1292.
Thoughts entered my dreams
The blue can--contents unknown
Cryptic label--SPAM

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1293.
Three days passed slowly
Obsession overcame me
I must purchase SPAM

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1294.
I lurked in the aisles
No one was looking at me
I reached for a tin

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1295.
Cradling my new prize
I went to pay--disaster!
"Price check on large SPAM."

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1296.
But nobody stared
I noticed them holding tins
Brotherhood of SPAM

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1297.
Soon I arrived home,
Dimmed the lights, shut the curtains,
And prepared to feast.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1298.
I removed the key
Peeled back the metal layer
The fragrance hit me

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1299.
I woke on the floor
Six hours of my life were gone
And so was the SPAM...

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1300.
And sometimes at night
I lay awake, listening,
And I can hear it.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au


Move forwards to Numbers 1301-1400.
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.