SPAM Haiku 1-100

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1.
See the pretty SPAM
Flying through the bedroom door
Heading towards your face.
--Adam Roach, exuadam@exu.ericsson.se

2.
Ears, snouts and innards,
A homogeneous mass--
Pass another slice.

--Christopher James Hume

3.
Pink tender morsel,
Glistening with salty gel.
What the hell is it?

--Christopher James Hume

4.
Cube of cold pinkness
Yellow specks of porcine fat
Give me a spork, please

--Christopher James Hume

5.
Old man seeks doctor:
"I eat SPAM daily," he decries
ANGIOPLASTY

--Christopher James Hume

6.
Highly unnatural,
The tortured shape of this "food"
...A small pink coffin.

--Christopher James Hume

7.
The SPAM looks forlorn.
At least it isn't head cheese!
I eat it with verve.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

8.
SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM,
SPAM, SPAM, SPAM -- Glorious SPAM!
Or something like that.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

9.
If I ate some SPAM,
I wonder if I would live
To be very old.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

10.
If the Alive guys
Had some SPAM on board the plane,
What would they eat first?

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

11.
Do preservatives,
If they are in a SPAM can,
Keep you from rotting?

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

12.
SPAM stares back at me
In my dreams just like pig eyes.
I need a new job.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

13.
Each day at my job,
I work with pig eyes thinking:
Are these things in SPAM?

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

14.
If you have no clay,
But you need to sculpt something,
SPAM is excellent.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

15.
How would SPAM be used
In Kentucky Fried Movie,
If they made part III?

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

16.
SPAM can do it all.
Need a fake amputation?
SPAM can do it all.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

17.
What are the clear parts?
My mind reels, thoughts turn to hooves.
I'd best just eat it.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

18.
If you do vomit
While you are eating some SPAM,
Do you know what's food?

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

19.
If one tried to make
George Bush eat SPAM, would he say:
"Not gonna do it!"?

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

20.
Maybe George Bush puked.
Or maybe he just faked it
By using some SPAM.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

21.
In Silent Running
The Earth's food was limited.
Did they have some SPAM?

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

22.
Wow! Fifteen haiku,
And all of them about SPAM.
I was on a roll!

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

23.
I think of SPAM bits
Sitting in a park at noon
What are they made of?

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

24.
SPAM enters and leaves
digested, as if unchanged
WYSIWYG food-stuff

--Dave Hysell, daveh@vlasov.phys.clemson.edu

25.
I'd like to write a
SPAM haiku, but I have too
few syllables.

--Anonymous

26.
SPAM, SPAM, yellow and
pink, flies over the skating
rink. Way trippy, man.

--Anonymous

27.
SPAM in a can, to
a pan, into the man, and
flushed all down the can.

--Anonymous

28.
Ban ham, eat more SPAM.
Orally or used as a
Suppository.

--Anonymous

29.
Smoke SPAM in a bong.
I did it once, now I wear
blue metal jew'lry.

--Anonymous

30.
SPAM while in the can
Looks harmless, but opening
Finds it's disgusting.

--Steve Popovich, popovich@cs.columbia.edu

31.
Yum, yum, SPAM is good!
SPAM is such wonderful food!
Commit me now, please.

--Steve Popovich, popovich@cs.columbia.edu

32.
"Off the pigs?" Can it.
It's PC to be porcine.
The times are changin'.

--M. Greenberg, bambusa@ag.arizona.edu

33.
Mom cooked SPAM Surprise.
Pink grease, smothered in mustard...
I still fear mustard.

--Van Kichline, mkichline@earthlink.net

34.
Hormel perfection.
Open a SPAM can now, yum!
Ultimate in taste?

--Matthew Lefkowitz, theglyph@aol.com and JulieHanson, bungajulie@aol.com

35.
Where does SPAM come from?
I spend time on toilet; SPAM
Has Booda-nature.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

36.
Canter and Siegel
Spew Green Card on Usenet; a
Thousand points of Spam.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

37.
The Usenet vulture,
Cancelmoose, has unbounded
Appetite for Spam.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

38.
Transvestite waitress
Reads menu; Vikings chorus.
Monty Python sketch.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

39.
There are worse things than
A SPAM-limited diet.
Like coprophagy.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

40.
President reviews
School lunch program meat item.
Says, "I feel your SPAM."

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

41.
Head Cheese, Kim-Chi, SPAM,
Lut'fisk, Haggis, Goat's-eye soup.
Eat them, Rush Limbaugh!

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

42.
The pink SPAM glistens
On a blue plate of plastic.
O my Soylent Green.

--J. Allen Schones, jas@ocncra.att.com

43.
Can opener whirs,
Meat odor flows heavenward;
God's stomach rumbles.

--The Donosaur (Don Wilkie), stwd@nmu.edu

44.
snuffling snorting oink
hacking mashing slashing pink
gobbling dribbling pain

--Anonymous

45.
Oh, God! I just ate
some (Spam the Internet) with
e.e. cummings's dog.

--Chris Raile, raile@eecs.ukans.edu

46.
I've had SPAM and Treet.
Is there any difference
between this pink meat?

--Chris Raile, raile@eecs.ukans.edu

47.
American life
Sports and food are one with us
I hit a grand SPAM

--Eric Riback, eriback@maine.com

48.
"Unholy monster!"
"Scourge!" "Pink freak!" Poor SPAM. Only
I understand you.

--R. Kaufman

49.
No *#$%ing way, man!
I hate composing haiku,
But I love the SPAM.

--Mark Nakamura, masayang@msushi.com

50.
Talmudic scholars
ponder SPAM. Is anything
on Earth less kosher?

--R. Kaufman

51.
Beautiful willow,
how your leaves dance in the wind.
I wish you were SPAM.

--S. Ingels

52.
One policeman's tale:
"How I love you, SPAM. You took
a bullet for me."

--R. Kaufman

53.
O.J. not guilty!
Stomach contents analyzed:
SPAM is cause of death.

--R. Kaufman

54.
My life in ruin.
My wife, job, home -- all lost. SPAM!
You did this to me!

--R. Kaufman

55.
I wait, vacuum-packed.
Exiled in metal, I dream.
SOMEBODY EAT ME!

--R. Kaufman

56.
Formless, spreadable,
beneath contempt. Pity me!
I am deviled SPAM.

--S. Collum

57.
Cholesterol-rich?
Sure. But are we not men? Chest
pain, shmest pain. SPAM me.

--R. Kaufman

58.
judgment day is here
attack of 50-foot SPAM
we go down eating

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

59.
is the moon made of
green cheese? No, just moldy cos-
mically shaped SPAM

--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

60.
Mysterious meat
manufactured in secret
who can bear to watch?

--Anonymous

61.
Pennies to my name
Enough for a can of SPAM
I would rather starve

--Anonymous

62.
Mussels underneath,
Bellyache for barbecue:
"No SPAM, Radio."

--fleshhead

63.
Exciting foodstuff
It draws the lightning to it
A flash in the SPAM

--Eric Riback, eriback@maine.com

64.
Heinz 57
gravely underestimates
SPAM's vast potential

--fleshhead

65.
Fallout Shelter Blues:
bound, I witness friends unearth
hidden stash of SPAM.

--fleshhead

66.
Siskel and Ebert
shamelessly promote: "Two Thumbs
Up, Way Up, for SPAM!"

--fleshhead

67.
Crossposting ensues:
rec.arts.poems and
alt.food.spam.

--fleshhead

68.
I think I'll eat SPAM.
Will I make it to the can?
SPAM, SPAM, help me man!

--Michael Turton, michael@one.net

69.
Writing about SPAM
will take so much more effort
if you eat it first.

--Anonymous

70.
A guilty pleasure
On a bright sunny morning--
Scrambled eggs and SPAM.

--Dave Opstad, opstad@apple.com

71.
I do not like SPAM
But will eat green eggs and ham.
So there, Sam-I-am.

--Scott Callantine, call9214@uidaho.edu

72.
Your juice is so sweet
Chewy meat between my teeth
What is it--it's SPAM

--Mark Robinson, robinsom@news.cpcnet.com

73.
Reverse direction
Alimentary canal
SPAM spews from the mouth

--Kent Feiler, kfeiler@cpiusa.com

74.
Rumblings internal
Sounding infernal. Sonic
Signature of SPAM.

--Anonymous

75.
SPAM on the menu...
Do they make it fresh daily?
Or is it just canned?

--Sean Ferguson, ferguson@music.mcgill.ca

76.
I read SPAM Haiku--
All of it. Laughed way too hard,
Blew SPAM out my nose.

--GoshMizer

77.
Six cans by a stream
Each one filled with pork products
SPAM's happy picnic

--Tom Elliott,Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

78.
Pigs enter the door
Piercing shrieks torment the air
What a lovely can

--Tom Elliott,Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

79.
Lost in the desert
I stumbled on piles of SPAM
No key to be seen

--Tom Elliott,Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

80.
The hunter prowling
Spies cans at a waterhole
Bang Bang--A clean kill

--Tom Elliott,Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

81.
A SPAM haiku page
We must all be quite insane
Hormel is so proud

--Tom Elliott,Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

82.
Downed U.S. pilot,
survival kit full of SPAM,
eats ants, sucks wool socks.

--R. Kaufman

83.
Nineteen forty-five,
SPAM arrives in Amsterdam
and ends starvation.

--Anonymous

84.
Voided from the can
we tossed the SPAM in the yard.
The cats bury it.

--C. Bartz

85.
On the barbeque
A SPAMBURGER hamburger
I want to die now!

--csturge@bud.peinet.pe.ca

86.
Vegetarians:
How many pigs died for SPAM?
None, it's only parts.

--Anonymous

87.
SPAM, the name disgusts
yet, pink is so enticing
and so, I swallow.

--Scott Moreau, sbm0275@usc.usl.edu

88.
The oil and fat call
"You know you want what I have!"
And I eat, and die!

--Scott Moreau, sbm0275@usc.usl.edu

89.
SPAM falls to the ground.
It makes such a pleasing sound!
I hear and wonder.

--Anonymous

90.
An old tin of SPAM
Tossed into the toilet bowl
The sound of water

--George Pajari, pajari@Faximum.COM

91.
In-laws for dinner
I would rather be at home
Eating cans of SPAM

--rlanam@reedref.com

92.
SPAM lies on the plate,
Surrounded by frozen peas.
Diner looks askance.

--Keith

93.
Use eyes, ears, nose, toes
to fill the SPAM can, but please
omit the assholes.

--Greg Fielding, greggf@destiny.esd105.wednet.edu

94.
Charlton Heston cries,
In science fiction epic:
"It's made of people!"

--Norm Lunde, norm@boxhill.com

95.
Like Pepto Bismol,
Fiberglass insulation:
SPAM, too, is too pink.

--Norm Lunde, norm@boxhill.com

96.
On silver platter,
A row of thick pink slices:
Serving suggestion.

--Norm Lunde, norm@boxhill.com

97.
Scientists sought that
Which man was not meant to know:
SPAM ingredients.

--Norm Lunde, norm@boxhill.com

98.
SPAM and I ran the
Boston Marathon, but I'm
Tired and SPAM is not.

--Anonymous

99.
Think it's the question?
To SPAM or not to SPAM, sir?
Yea, it's the answer!

--MBlackford@aol.com

100.
SPAM SPAM eggs rice SPAM
not just breakfast anymore
snap crackle plop-pp

--Mark and Kara


Move forwards to Numbers 101-200.
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.