Uses for MS Windows in particle physics

Random computer crashes are often attributed to cosmic ray hits. However, the frequency of cosmic rays is not sufficient to explain the frequency with which Microsoft operating systems crash. Therefore, another radiation source must be causing random microsoft crashes. The most likely culprit is neutrinos. From this we must conclude that something about Wintel machines raises their neutrino cross-section by a staggering amount compared to conventional materials.

Therefore, we propose construction of a "Windows Neutrino Observatory" (WiNO), consisting of thousands of Wintel machines running Win98 and NT, buried deep beneath Redmond, Washington...


February 16, 1999

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