David Policar August 2000
With profound apologies to Robert Frost and MediaOne,
neither of whom really deserve this treatment.
Go read the original.
Something there is that doesn't love a Web site,
That brings the !@#$* server down under it,
And clutters access lines with frequent downloads;
One-handed surfers viewing GIFs of breasts.
The loss of hrefs is another thing:
I have come after them and made repair
Where they have left not one link on a target,
But they would name their files with other paths,
Or shut their own sites down. The gaps I mean,
No one has seen them made or heard them made,
But when friends surf my site they find them there.
I tell my ISP the site is down;
Next day they bring the server back on-line
And let me know the site is up again.
But they charge me for the service as we go,
Even when the server's fallen over,
And for overloaded lines so saturated
That URLs time out access with a vague error:
"Cannot find file. Check name and try again!"
I wear my ballpoints rough with writing checks.
Oh, just another minor 'net expense,
$20 per month. It comes to little more:
For what I publish I don't need Web hosting:
It's mostly text with a few dozen JPEGs.
E-business clients will never get annoyed
And kill revenues for my .com, they tell me.
They only say, "This is Broadband. This is the way."
Networks are mischief in me, and I wonder
If I could put a notion in their head:
"Why is it the way? Isn't it
Where there's high bandwidth? But here there is low bandwidth.
Before I bought a service I'd ask to know
What you were leaving in or leaving out,
And how often you offer maintenance.
Something there is that doesn't love a Web site,
That wants it down." I could say "Gremlins" to them,
But it's not that exactly, and I'd rather
They simply fix the site. I see their page
Offering phones, Internet, cable TV
In one plan; it's the only one in town.
They move close to a new monopoly,
Not only phones but all communications.
They will not go beyond their market slogans
And they like having thought of it so well
They say again, "This is Broadband. This is the way."