I don't know the author
Ok, it's the fourth quarter of this great game. The philophers are receiving the kickoff, now tied with the biblical figures after a fine touchdown credited to Jesus where Jesus ran from the 20 to the 21 and then let Paul carry it the rest of the way. Aristotle has received the kickoff, but what's this--he's running from one side of the field to the other, then forward a yard, then back to the other side, then forward another yard. I can't tell for sure if he's really going anywhere, but nobody's touching him. Wait--Hobbes is running at him; Hobbes is poking him in the eye, Hobbes is attacking his own teammate and has taken the ball, he's doing anything to gain yards--oh no, he's run smack into God, he's down hard; I guess the ends don't justify the means.
Sartre is hiking to Camus, Camus is back to pass, wait, he's not looking around the field, he's just laughing at the ridiculousness of the game, and Jonah has stolen the ball from him! Bad break for the philosophers.
The hike is to God, he hands off to Job, and Heidigger has stolen Job's helmet, now Nietzche is punching him, and the refs are just laughing at him, nobody is trying to block him, wow! he's been smashed by a great hit by Rawls, now God is coming over, saying "you useless wimp," and God just tackled his own teammate.
God is back for the hike on second down, he hands to Lazurus, who gain a yard, and is tackled, no he's up; no, now he's down; no, he's up again; no, he's down; he's up, no, he's down. We're looking at third and long, handoff to Noah, he's running into trouble, but wait, Moses has parted the defenders, he has a first down!
First and ten at the 45, God's back, he hands to Jesus, and Jesus is absolutely leveled. He looks really hurt. Second down, handoff to Peter, the whole philospher's team is coming right at him, he's going to get pummelled, but wait--he says "fuck this" and hands the ball to Jesus--Jesus is pounded again, he's really getting crucified out there. He's being carried off the field. No word yet on the seriousness of the injury.
Third down, God's in the shotgun, the hike, God's looking, he's found an open man, he's about to pass, but Nietzche's broken through the offensive line, he's attacking God, and God is down!! God is not moving, he may be hurt, wait, Nietzche is chanting something, it's hard to make out, I think he's saying "YOU'RE DEAD! YOU'RE DEAD! YOU'RE DEAD!" But there is some good news, Jesus will be able to play again in three days.
Fourth down, the Holy Ghost is filling in for God at quarterback, nobody knows the difference anyway. This is a key play folks. Here's the hike, he's back, he passes, and it's intercepted by Zeno! He's to the fourty, the twenty, the ten, the five, the two point five, the one point two five, the point six two five, and the game is called on account of the irreconcilable paradox. What a game!