In order to quell unnecessary rumours circulating in the popular media, I find myself forced into this unfortunate exercise in banality, namely, acquiring what others would choose to refer to as a ``homepage''. Rest assured, the offending parties will be found and, following a fair trial, hung.

But, enough of that frivolity, let us cut to the [proverbial] chase. Below you will find certain issues that require your immediate attention:

Congratulations! You're luser number to access this page!
(Since 22 May 1996)

Go away. Do not call or write.