Dear Phos,

I just want to say that I'm a big fan of Jerry Garcia. His loss will be felt by his band and the rest of the world, I'm sure.

Uh, do you know if they'll still be making that Jerry Garcia ice cream?


Dear Phos,

The Scalp Scratcher is in our workstation cluster again.

He uses his left hand to scratch and scratch while his right hand works the mouse. Then his right hand comes up and scratches too, on the other side of his head. Both hands are going steadily. Scratch Scratch Scratch Scratch.

It is snowing in the foothills of Scalp Moutain.

Then he takes his hands down and starts typing. This helps clear his fingernails of dead skin so they will be more effective 20 seconds later when he starts scratching again.

John Dz.

Dear Phos,

A while back I was really hungry, and since I was out of Ramen, I decided to see if Voo Doo's soy-based ink really does make the paper taste like tofu. I chewed on a page, and indeed, the tofu flavor descended after about 45 seconds. With it came the most wonderful feeling, a feeling of clarity, serenity, like the world wasn't such a bad place after all. Sounds were more harmonious, colors more vivid, and no problem I had seemed to matter.

After that, I began to eat a page to help study, or get through an emotional crisis, saving pages as much as I could. I kept this a secret from all my friends. Soon enough, it became difficult to go through the day without a page. I would get anxious, irritable, sweaty, lose the ability to concentrate without my Voo Doo dose. It meant not only finding a place to hide and eat, (most people find paper-eating a disgusting practice) but finding pages after my personal Voo Doo library ran out. Soon my friends began to wonder why pages were missing from their back issues. I would linger around the Voo Doo office, or the magazine racks in lobby 7, waiting for the next issue. What's worse, I began needing more and more Voo Doo to get the same effect. Now I need 20 pages to get through the day, and my grades have been on a neverending downturn. Phos, YOU GOTTA HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!

Addicted in Ashdown

P.S. I notice red pages are slightly stronger than just black. DOES THIS MEAN ANYTHING?

People, if you don't send us letters, we have to print things like this.