Many of us have become suspicious of the "renovations" occurring at
the east staircase of building 14.  These renovations have used enough
supplies to build a sports stadium, enough surveying equipment to
map MIT in 3-space and enough time to build the roman empire, twice.

Therefore, here is:

The top 10 list of what they're "really" doing over at building 14.

10. Laslo Hollyfeld got a grant and is having work done on his penthouse.
 9. Secret escape route from president's mansion to campus in case
    Steer Roast gets out of hand.
 8. _Another_ underground missile silo.
 7. Housing office discovered an old map with a big X on it.
 6. Catacombs for dead MIT presidents.
 5. Attempt at generating an artificial fault line in hopes that 
    an earthquake would make room for a new administrative building.
 4. Two words: Roller Derby.
 3. 2 percent for art in action.
 2. Two more words: Bat Cave
 1. It's the new freshman housing.