Voo Doo's One Wishes in the World
conceived, compiled, and in
some cases invented by John Dzenitis
Voo Doo's Summer Outword Bound Retreat was a smashing success. We
thought that it might help our readers to get to know us if we published
one of the exercises' results. Compare your response with ours. Oh
yeah? Well if you're so funny, maybe you should be writing for us,
Mr./Ms Smarty Pants. Anyway, the question is, ``If you were given just
one wish to be granted, what would it be?''
- Gary D., Frequent Pseudonymous Contributor: I wish I was paid actual money for the stuff I write for this rag.
- Hoyt B., Editeur-en-Chef: I wish that someone would make a TV movie about me.
- Kent L., Former Everything: I wish that you would JUST LEAVE ME ALONE SO I CAN WORK ON MY THESIS!
- Jason B., Layout Slave: I wish that Philip Glass, Sympathy Fuck, and the
Five-Six-Seven-Eights would make a collaborative tribute album of
- John Dz., King of Soul: I wish I was crazy.
- Jim B., Soon to be Doctor Jim: I wish for
sledgehammer holes in the phys plant offices.
- Mark H., Occasional Contributor: I wish that this wish not be granted.
- Samuel B., YoYoYo FunkyFresh Def Contributor, Boyee: I wish God didn't
make little green apples.
- Kyle G., Senior Staff Gadabout: I wish I could take all of your heads,
smash your faces against the pavement, rip your faces off of your
twitching skulls, grind your faces in a food processor, paste them back
on your skulls, punch your processed faces in, then kick your lifeless
bodies until my legs broke. Also, I wish that they would adjust my
medication. If I only get one wish, I'll just take the first.
- Raluca B., Keeper of Class: I wish for ultimate consciousness, please.
- Samuel J. J. K., Funny Prof: I wish that I could have
Andy Rooney's job. ``Have you ever noticed...?''
- Jennie L., Contributing Artiste: I wish that there
were no monkeys in this issue.
- James F., Editor-in-Waiting: I wish that dogs could speak, then they'd spend all their time following you around saying, ``Walk! Walk! Play!
Play! Food! Food!''
- Harlen N., Contributor of Fiction: I wish I hadn't gotten my haircut at Krazy Kuts.
- Henry C., Snapdragon dude: If I had one wish, what
would it be? Well, DUH - more wishes!