The Clinton Team
Fun Knowledge Test
by John M. Dzenitis
We've heard about them on the news every day since August. Let's see
what you've learned! (This test closely follows the actual Clinton
Team Application for Four Years of Employment/Empowerment.)
CABINET CWIZ (Part I)
- Lloyd Bentsen is happy because:
- A. His Treasury secretary confirmation hearing was only a formality.
- B. ``You're no Jack Kennedy'' royalties keep pouring in.
- C. He only has to see Hillary nude once a week.
- D. That whole Dukakis thing fell through, thank God.
AL GORE SLOGAN CHALLENGE
V.P. Gore wants to make a more positive and lasting impression than
his beleaguered predecessor. Which of the following off-the-cuff
slogans will help him?
- A. ``Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, Repeal!"
- B. ``Haste Makes Waste!"
- C. ``Hillary Makes Brownies!"
- D. ``I'm so diverse, I scare myself!"
- E. ``Reuse THIS!"
- F. ``That's why they call her Tipper!"
- G. ``... and I'm no Dan Quayle!"
An effective executive branch must be able to keep things in
perspective. Rank the following from least (A) to greatest (E):
- Number of Al Gore's Shiny Blue Suits
- Robert Reich's height in inches
- Hillary's hip measurement in inches
- Number of hugs required to soften a fiendish dictator
- Number of fingers Stephanopoulos holds up when saying, "I'm this many years old!"
CABINET CWIZ (Part II)
- Les Aspin is:
- A. Proof that an MIT geek can achieve the powerful post of Secretary
- of Defense.
- B. Proof that an MIT geek can achieve the powerless post of Secretary
- of Defense.
- C. That nerdy newsman on "WKRP in Cincinnati".
- D. Aspen, Colorado's latest animated anti-drug spokesthing.
- E. Not allowed to speak to Hillary under any circumstances.
Zoe Baird was forced to withdraw from consideration for Attorney
General. How would you have had to pronounce her name?
- A. Zoh-eee
- B. Zoh-eye
- C. Zoh
- D. Zoo
- E. Crüe
- F. Si, Señora Baird
FOREIGN AFFAIRS MATCHING GAME
The President may need more help with world affairs than domestic
ones. Help him by drawing a line from the following international
hotbeds to the appropriate presidential verbs. (Hint: these are not
in the correct order.)
(If you used "Bomb" more than once, join the Republican party. If you
used "Appease" more than once, join the Democratic party. If you used
"Visit" more than once, become a congressional staffer.
The chief executive's hobbies are not only means to much-deserved
relaxation, they are important symbols of the administration's Psyche.
Reagan played with horses and axes, Bush played with fish and boats,
and President Clinton is know for playing:
- A. The saxophone.
- B. The horses.
- C. Possum. (Oops, that should be in the "eating" section.)
- D. With Socks, his cat.
- E. With socks, his socks.