This document was last modified on Wed Dec 15 14:24:06 1993

Sticks and Stones Can Break My Bones, but Words...
by Jennifer Carson
        ...can break my spirit.  ...can cause me to quit my job, or turn down a 
job offer, or change careers, or cry myself to sleep every night, or switch 
majors, or leave college altogether.  Words definitely can  hurt me.
        Recently, I was interviewed on a radio talk show with one of the 
participants in the Senior House book burning on the issue of harassment and 
free speech.  It has come to my attention since then that I represent the "side" 
of the issue which is unconcerned with the value of freedom of expression, which 
holds the completely "unamerican" view that this right is unimportant.  
        First, I would like to emphasize the importance of free speech.  There 
is no doubt that the right to freedom of expression is vital for a truly 
democratic society, that losing this right opens the door to innumerable 
injustices imposed by the powerful onto the disempowered.  I realize that in 
many societies I would not be able to even print this article.  However, I think 
there is something missing in the recent free speech debate.  
        From my discussions with the recently vocal advocates of freedom of 
expression, who contend that absolutely no speech should be limited for any 
reason, I have realized that many simply do not believe that speech is ever very 
damaging.  I would like to clear up this misconception, with actual examples of 
the effect that verbal abuse and slander has had on members of the MIT 
community, both inside and outside of MIT.   I sent out a message over email to 
different lists asking for a description of times when offensive or degrading 
things were said to them, and what effect that speech had on them.  I also asked 
friends and acquaintances to share their experiences with me.  These were not 
incidents in which the recipient of the remark pressed any sort of charges 
against the offender, and I purposely avoid using the word "harassment" to 
describe these situations.  I am not attempting in these examples to answer the 
question of whether any of this speech should be restricted.  I would simply 
like to present some examples of the kinds of things that happen to people every 
day, and the effect it has on them.
        One woman who responded to my request was asked by the cook  at the 
restaurant where she worked if she sucked cock.  After that, she said "I was 
afraid of the cook....  I was afraid he was going to pull me into the walk-in 
and shove his dick down my throat.  My work suffered, my tips suffered, I 
suffered."
        A woman interviewing for a job position was "grilled ...intensely" by 
one of the interviewers, who "ultimately ended up asking me to promise that I 
would not become pregnant if I took the position!  I was dumbfounded and 
stunned-words cannot explain the depth of what I experienced.  I lost sleep, 
could not concentrate, and actually felt guilty-these things were just the tip 
of the iceberg.  They offered me the job, but I ended up turning them down."
        A female student at MIT told me the following: "A professor sat me down 
and translated, at a snail's pace and with a voice generally reserved for 
three-year-olds, an entire German passage, when I had asked a question about one 
fucking verb!! .... I dropped out of German classes after the humiliating 
experience with my German professor.  I had been considering minoring in 
German."
        A female undergraduate at MIT:  "While working at an MIT lab, I found 
out that a scientist had commented to two other employees that I should be the 
winner of the lab's wet tee-shirt contest.  I felt awful, completely 
disrespected.  I want to be taken seriously as a scientist; now I wonder whether 
all of the scientists in the lab, including my advisor, think of me just as an 
object with tits.  I find myself thinking all the time, `maybe this is too hard.  
Maybe I should switch into another field where women have already been accepted, 
where I wouldn't have to feel objectified and isolated and miserable.'"
        An MIT employee and person of color remembered reading a dialogue 
between black MIT students and white students at another campus about racial 
issues.  She writes "after reading the racist hatefulness oozing from the 
messages it was hard for me to concentrate on other work.  People, all of us, 
have feelings that do get hurt by the verbal attacks of people on our integrity, 
self-worth, etc.  When it happens, our work suffers.  Psychic pain is real."
        Two female employees were working on a project on a natural gas rig, and 
about a week into the shift (with a week left), a new man came on and exchanged 
places with their male partner.  The man who was leaving told the new person to 
"tell the girls not wear shorts, because the men [on the rig] can't be expected 
to control themselves."  One of the women commented that she "felt horrible 
after being singled out," particularly since they were the only two women among 
15 or 20 men, and were isolated and unable to leave the rig.
        One woman told me about a job she had before her MIT employment.  "Early 
on, [the next most junior employee] began making lewd remarks to me, combined 
with winks and offensive body language.  ...If I had to be at a file cabinet, in 
a cramped space with desks, etc., he would just have to `squeeze' by and be 
overly physical about it.  If I was working at the empty desk opposite his, he 
would keep trying to get my attention, then hold up a black pen and make remarks 
about his penis.  ...I felt sometimes that I was bringing it on, and would take 
great care not to wear summer dresses that were at all revealing, always be 
super-aware if clothes and how I was presenting myself, etc.  Every day I had to 
psyche myself up to be able to put aside his comments.  His treatment of me made 
me feel all the more lowly in the overall office scale, etc., which in turn 
probably limited how I felt I could deal with the situation."
        Another woman brought up the case of anonymous phone calls.  Anonymous 
phone calls can make the recipient feel extremely unsafe, afraid to go out at 
night, be alone in her or his own room, etc., from fear that the caller is 
stalking them.  One phone call of this nature is enough to cause the recipient 
to radically change her behavior, lose sleep, live in fear of attack.
        These types of degrading and humiliating comments, directed at an 
individual, can be extremely damaging.  A constant barrage of degrading comments 
directed mostly at women, ethnic minorities, and gays and bisexuals, has a 
cumulative effect on their ability to live and work.  Why, you might ask, do 
some of these seemingly minor incidents have such a bad effect?  On woman 
explained the effect this way: "...it is the tip of the iceberg...a sexist 
comment which may not seem like a big deal in and of itself IS A BIG DEAL, 
precisely because IT IS NOT IN AND OF ITSELF.  It exists within the context of 
sexual oppression.  Each sexist comment is a reminder and enforcer of the status 
quo."  Women, people of color, gays and bisexuals, constantly hear humiliating 
speech directed against them at their work or school, speech which serves as a 
reminder to them that they are considered inferior in this society, that they 
will have to work harder, get better grades, know more than their straight white 
male counterparts before they achieve the same level of success.  Thus, the 
woman who's breasts were the topic of conversation in her lab was reminded that 
she is in a place where she will have to make a special effort to be respected 
as a scientist, and where she may never be considered an equal because of her 
sex.
        The disempowered already live in fear of attack, physical attack, by 
racist, sexist or homophobic assailants.  Women live with the knowledge that 
they are vulnerable to rape, and often change their behavior, their dress, the 
places where they spend their time, because of this fear.  Gays and bisexuals 
know that if they speak out against homophobic laws and actions, or even if they 
just "act gay," or come out to the people they meet, they put themselves in 
danger of being assaulted and beaten.  People of color are constantly the 
victims of racist assaults; a black man in Florida was set on fire by white men 
shouting racial slurs, and Rodney King was beaten horribly by white police 
officers.   To someone already aware that there is a good chance they will be 
the victim of attack merely by the nature of who they are, a degrading remark or 
conversation can trigger the beginning of a potentially dangerous situation.  
Thus, the woman who's coworker asked her if she sucked cock reacted with fear 
that he might assault her, and this fear caused her work to suffer.  The women 
working on the gas rig became aware of what might happen to them in an all-male 
environment where the men "can't be expected to control themselves."  Speech 
becomes most damaging to groups who are already disempowered in our society.
        The question remains: how do you protect the right to freedom of 
expression while acknowledging the pain caused to those groups and preventing 
the inevitable consequence of damaging speech, which is to keep them out of 
certain fields, careers, schools, jobs?  Perhaps there is a middle ground; a way 
to weigh the effects of the speech against its value.  If a particular degrading 
statement or series of statements is found to be so psychologically damaging 
that it causes several black people to leave MIT, can we provide a policy that 
curtails that speech?  If a survey reveals that posters with particular images 
of women are causing many women to have nightmares, lose sleep, and radically 
change their behavior out of fear of assault, can the community do anything to 
counteract those effects?  
        I think that the answers probably do not lie in creating a more and more 
detailed harassment policy, which tries to anticipate any possible situation and 
address it.  I understand the fear that limitations on speech will "go too far," 
and the importance of cultivating an intellectual environment in which ideas are 
expressed freely.  But an environment in which disempowered people are 
constantly the victims of degrading and humiliating speech intimidates these 
people into silence, and creates an intellectual environment in which only 
straight white men are able to express their ideas freely and openly. 
        I would like to hear a discussion about how to protect freedom of 
expression which focuses on the interests of the entire  community.  I think 
that no progress will be made towards resolution until both sides of the debate 
recognize the validity of the other's arguments.  Those who are already aware of 
the harm caused by damaging speech may need to give up the "safeness" of an 
environment in which they would not have to hear offensive comments, for the 
sake of protecting everybody's right to express their opinions.  And the Senior 
House book burners and their sympathizers may need to accept that speech can be 
extremely damaging, that the hurt feelings which they dismiss cause many people 
to alter their lifestyle, their career, their education, and have the cumulative 
effect of aiding in keeping certain ways of life out of reach for certain 
groups.  Perhaps, out of this type of discussion, a policy may be born which 
respects the rights of the entire MIT population, and which harbors a sense of 
respect for our academic endeavors, as well as a respect for each other.