I'm Feeling a Little TwitterPetted

From: petwitter-admin@petwitter.com

To: petes_girl@petwitter.com, pbs_hater@petwitter.com, killarney@petwitter.com, pleasance@petwitter.com, the_viz@petwitter.com, bedside_man@petwitter.com, mutie_lover@petwitter.com, bentons_kid@petwitter.com, scarface@petwitter.com, space_trash@petwitter.com, phone_booth@petwitter.com, resistance_doc@petwitter.com, alex_the_great@petwitter.com, stone_age_gal@petwitter.com, boy_of_george@petwitter.com, starlet@petwitter.com, amandas_mom@petwitter.com, troy@petwitter.com, cia_stud@petwitter.com, princess@petwitter.com, raj_lad@petwitter.com, great_scott@petwitter.com, comic_reader@petwitter.com, laugh_riot@petwitter.com

We want to thank you for making use of the PeTwitter service here at the Lazyr Zone Kennel. We're pleased that you have joined the ranks of those who realize how marvelous it is to get constant updates of your faithful companion's thought processes while you're enjoying yourself on the dance floor.

Unfortunately, due to technical difficulties, four of the PeTwitter messages that were supposed to be delivered to each of you got trapped on our server and never reached their intended recipients. You can find your messages below (I’m sure you’ll recognize which ones are yours), and we hope you accept our sincerest apologies.

  1. A bat for dinner? No, and they don't eat us either.
  2. A rat! I'd certainly love to eat it, though there's something amiss with that one.
  3. A teleporter? Neat! I always wanted to go on a birdwatching trip to the desert!
  4. A trooper is no match for me! Eat hooves, Evil Horde!
  5. Actually, the cape is kind of annoying, now that you mention it.
  6. Aha! This looks like Arne’s rocket! Outer space, here I come...
  7. Are the pilots scantily clad twins, or scantily clad clones?
  8. Aren't I supposed to be a jungle bird?
  9. Awk! I'm just as scurrilous as my Shakespearean counterpart.
  10. Bark bark! Watch out for the evil metal robot!
  11. Blasted forward in time a whole minute. Thanks, Doc.
  12. Catch me if you can, Alyx.
  13. Cats normally are more than just a smile, so I don't think that was a cat.
  14. Clarinet-playing would be a lot easier if I had arms, but I get by.
  15. Come on, throw the stick! I'll bet I can fetch it somewhere over the Atlantic!
  16. Dammit! She phased through the wall again!
  17. Darlings! Time for bed!
  18. Deadly cobras 0, good guys 1. Who's hissing now, punk?
  19. Each night, I lie awake thinking that one day I’ll be replaced by my speciesmates Bud and Lou.
  20. Each time she puts me in this box, it feels like I'm asleep for years!
  21. Earth may seem lost, but I’m sure that we'll find it one day.
  22. Eep opp ork ah-ah! Man, that's catchy!
  23. Egad! The children have flown away!
  24. Eggs... gonna find me some eggs if it kills me...
  25. Etheria ain't seen nothin' yet.
  26. Ever miss your old life? I miss Bilby.
  27. Every day, the blue freak teleports around the house. What a stench!
  28. Every superhero needs a sidekick. (Mine's a hamster.)
  29. Every time we come to Antarctica, I get tasty penguins to eat!
  30. Evidently, the boy from Calcutta has strange powers.
  31. Extermination safety tip: If you want to avoid being offed, demonstrate a weird neck tilt to the obsessive physician...
  32. Hey, Francine. Want me to slip you some fin?
  33. Hooray for being named after a macho Hollywood actor!
  34. Horse? Yes, I'm a horse. Well, not just a horse...
  35. I don't get it. One moment you were ten inches tall, the next you were ten feet tall!
  36. I get the feeling that I know this girl. Did the little one get caught in a time bubble?
  37. I have a bad feeling about following this big blue guy into the tachyon generator.
  38. I wanna bronto-burger!
  39. I was just swimming in my bowl, minding my own business… Why don’t you ask the alien where *he* was?
  40. If I still had my beak I'd *totally* turn this guy into a zombie.
  41. Just give the clown the money, and nobody gets... well, everybody gets hurt, actually.
  42. Just great. The Sultan's feeding me more of these nasty crackers.
  43. Keep that green rock away from me!
  44. Kill 'im, boss, before the cops get here! Heee heee!
  45. Killing the captain would be preferable to being his pet.
  46. Lady, why are you stripping down to your underwear when one of those things is on the loose?
  47. Led the big guy to this van in the middle of the jungle; later he went for a drive with the rock star.
  48. Let me chase that rabbit down the hole!
  49. Let me get this straight: I'm teammates with a cat, a horse, a monkey, and some sort of protoplasm?
  50. Let's skip the treadmill and go for a ride in the flying car!
  51. Life on a space station can be kind of dull. And I don't think the Japanese lady likes me.
  52. Locke made a whistle. It sounds really nice.
  53. Look at the size of those teeth—inside those other teeth!
  54. Look out, buddy, or I'll turn you into a fossil!
  55. May I drive the car? I have four feet I could power it with!
  56. Mr. Limpet's a moron. I wish I *weren't* a fish...
  57. Naming me after a scientist was a nice touch.
  58. Never underestimate the power of heat vision! Hey, why doesn't it work out here?
  59. Nobody from the rest of the crew is going to feed me anymore, are they?
  60. Oh, I wish I were a *real* furry, doglike creature.
  61. Originally my name was Tralfaz, but I prefer this name.
  62. Ouch! The big plane crashed on some island, but I managed to survive!
  63. Over this wall lives a giant bird, but he hasn't eaten me yet!
  64. Pigeons told me a bad, bad cat was in this alley.
  65. Please let today be the day I get to breathe fire on someone.
  66. Question: Is the science officer a man or a blond artichoke?
  67. Quick, somebody save me from this ghost cat!
  68. Really, sir, a proper animal does not live in a hall closet.
  69. Rello! (Oh, right, I don't need to use my speech impediment online.)
  70. Reports say I'm the first annelid on the moon!
  71. Ride me all you want—just be more careful with that magical sword while you’re doing it. Ow!
  72. Right... just because I'm a gelatinous blob doesn't mean I don't know what's going on.
  73. Robin's chirping drives me ca-ray-zee! One big bite’ll fix that problem...
  74. Rugs fly too? Dang! Watch the feathers, huh?
  75. Run! It's the Dea—
  76. Run! Terrorists in the parking lot!
  77. Secondhand smoke can give me mycoplasmosis? Who knew?
  78. Ski-jumping is my life. Well, it was...
  79. So, I guess this Irish-sounding guy is my new master?
  80. Some people confuse me with a raccoon.
  81. Sometimes living in a trash can is awesome!
  82. That guy in the blotty mask creeps me out.
  83. Tip of the day: "Monsoon" is short for "Mon, soon we get the heck out of here!"
  84. Unfortunately, it looks like we have to rescue the Doctor again!
  85. Unless I miss my guess, I think I'm being used for experiments.
  86. Very nice food, doomed Asian valet guys.
  87. Watch out with that club, little neighbor boy!
  88. Well, since he's left his shadow behind, I'll just put it here on the windowsill.
  89. Why do I have to stay in the suspended animation kennel while you go to 1955?
  90. Yeah, I'm not exactly as big as Smaug. You got a problem with that?
  91. Y'know, I have no idea why they buried those two people. They're not dead, just paralyzed.
  92. Yo! Dude with shotgun! I'm workin' over here!
  93. You ain't putting me in that Viper!
  94. You can put me outside away from the nursery, but I don't have to like it!
  95. You will lead me to the evil doctor now, villainous feline!
  96. Your letter has arrived.